Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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