There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
PANTIES FOUND
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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