dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Randomize
