Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My vagina just clenched in fear
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
