i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Congratulations! We have a period
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