dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
