idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
