Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize