My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize