She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Randomize
