I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
