how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize