Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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