i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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