I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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