You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
