It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
