Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
