fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
