i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize