Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
