quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My breasts were aching with rage.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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