I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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