if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
