Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
