I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
be right there i have to get my cape
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
