the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
What a dumb baby whore.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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