I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
