Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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