That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
