Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
