I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize