And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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