she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize