so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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