Swine flu. Run for my life!
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
