You're a womanizer and a bitch.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
