she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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