I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
