your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
