there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The struggles of a small town man whore
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
