what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
