There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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