What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
