it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
