He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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