i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
