I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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