i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
