Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
