remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you would pick up someone in the library
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
