wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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