I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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