His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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