just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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