we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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