help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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