My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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