The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
