you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
