worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
