He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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