at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
