you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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