dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
