Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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