After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
