Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
