I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
