she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
